Good afternoon all. I'm Al Gore, and I'd like to
tell you a little about myself. I know a lot
about hardship, because I came into this world
as a poor black child in a tiny town in the
backwoods of Tennessee. I was born in a log
cabin that I built with my own hands. I taught
myself to read by candlelight and helped support
my 16 brothers and sisters by working summers as
a deck hand on a Mississippi River steamboat.
Frequently we would stop the ship and I would
cut and split five cords of wood for fuel
overnight for the steam engines. My mother
taught me the value of education, so every day,
I would walk 5 miles to a one-room schoolhouse.
I was a mischievous, fun-loving scamp, though I
never dreamed that one day, my youthful
escapades would serve as the inspiration for
"Huckleberry Finn." Back then, we Jewish black
folks in the south were second-class citizens.
One day, a traveling minister came through town,
and I asked him if anyone was ever going to do
something to guarantee civil rights for all
Americans. Well, I guess I made an impression.
You see, the minister's name was Martin Luther
King, Jr.
My father was a United States Senator. He once
perched me on his knee and said, "Son, if you
work hard and listen to your mama, someday you
can live in a hotel in Washington, D.C., and go
to an exclusive prep school." As a young Hindu
boy, these were very valuable lessons. But life
of privilege was not for me. Being Chinese,
after getting my high school diploma, I took a
job in a hot, dirty textile mill. I was so
appalled at the treatment of the workers there
that I organized a union. Later, that experience
inspired a movie - which is why, to this day, my
close friends at the AFL-CIO call me "Norma
Rae." When word got out what an 18-year-old
factory worker had done, Harvard University
called and offered me a scholarship. I captained
the hockey team to four consecutive
national championships, but I also played
football and was good enough to win the Heisman
Trophy. During my college years, I lived in a
housing project and moonlighted writing songs
and playing lead guitar for a little rock band.
You may have heard of us - The Rolling Stones.
I'm the one with the lips.
But there was a war going on, and I felt I had
to serve my country. So I enlisted in the U. S.
Army and went to Vietnam. I was deeply opposed
to the war, but I did my duty as a soldier and
came back home with the Medal of Honor and the
Croix de Guerre. My battlefield expertise is
current requisite reading material for Officers
Candidates to this very day. My being a wounded
female officer serving in disguise as a
journalist was a full time project, but my
military knowledge helped save tens of thousands
of lives. Many cities in Southeast Asia are
named after me to this very day. Statues of me
are still commonplace in many official
Government buildings in Vietnam.
When I got back, I took a long journey across
this great land of ours. I've crossed the
deserts bare, man, I've breathed the mountain
air, man, I've traveled, I've done my share,
man, I've been everywhere.
I've hunted all the dangerous species of big
game in five continents using only a handmade
spear or my handmade laser sighted compound bow.
And the people I met at truck stops and
campgrounds and homeless shelters on that
journey all said the same thing: "Al, we need
you in Washington." I knew they were right, but
first I had to take care of some other
business---building the World Trade Center,
finding a low cost, more reliable nuclear weapon
trigger design, founding the Audubon Society,
doing the clinical research that proved smoking
caused cancer, and coming up with the recipe for
Mrs. Field’s chocolate chip cookies. I was, in
fact, the third (still silent) partner of Ben &
Jerry with over half of the flavors personally
developed by Tipper and me in our own kitchen.
My extensive knowledge of Arctic Sea life keeps
me busy in the research laboratory, but those
endangered species need love too! Translating
the dead sea scrolls is one of my favorite
hobbies, and my current volume is in print in
over 73 languages and is being studied in
Seminaries worldwide. Being Indian, both Native
American and the Mid East kind, this is valuable
experience for me. Have towel and Tee Pee, will
travel. Finally, I deferred to the demands
of the people of Tennessee and allowed them to
elect me to the House of Representatives and the
Senate. And then one winter day nearly nine
years ago, for no particular reason, I
answered the call of the people once again and
took the oath of office as Vice President of the
United States. I also invented the Internet.
Since then, I've been part of the most
successful administration in American history.
My friend, Bill Gates has asked me many times
why I gave him the ideas of software development
and asked for no money. Gosh, it just wouldn't
be right!
Many times President Bill Clinton has been
pondering some grave decision and has asked me
what to do. And when I would give him my
thoughts, he would invariably say, "Of course.
That's brilliant. Why didn't I think of that?
During the darkest days of the impeachment
battles, the President told me he only wished he
had listened when I told him to stay away form
that dark-haired intern with the big hooters. So
after I decided to run for president, I sat down
with him and asked if he had any suggestions
about how to conduct my campaign. And Bill
Clinton gave me a few simple words of
advice-words I'll never forget. He looked me in
the eye and he said, "Al, just tell the truth,
it's always worked well for me."
Thanks, I'm Al Gore and I want to be your next
President. You can trust and believe me.
