What
California city can't Bill get off his mind
lately?
Scent o' Monica.
Did you hear Clinton is declaring a new National
Bird?
The Spread Eagle.
How many White House Interns does it take to
screw in a light bulb?
None, they're too busy screwing the President.
What is Clinton's worst nightmare?
An intern with braces.
How did they finally bust Clinton?
Monica finally coughed up the evidence.
What's Slick Willie's new nickname?
President-erect.
*What's Clintons new nick name?
Drippy Dick
What do the Nixon Whitehouse and the Clinton
Whitehouse have in common?
Two Dicks out of control.
What is Pres. Clinton's pet name for Hilary? "My
little buttercup."
What is Pres. Clinton's pet name for Monica? "My
little suction cup. "
Did you hear that Monica Lewinsky is now working
for 7-11?
She's endorsing the "Big Gulp."
Why can't they prove anything in the Monica
Lewinsky case?
Because she swallowed the evidence.
How did Bill reply regarding questions of
"coaching" Monica's testimony?
"It wasn't words that I put in her mouth!"
Bill and Hillary are on a sinking boat. Who gets
saved?
The nation.
*What is the difference between George
Washington, Richard Nixon, and Bill Clinton?
Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't
tell the truth, and Clinton doesn't know the
difference.
Why is Clinton's approval rating so high?
Because Monica was taking the pole.
What position did Monica Lewinsky have at the
White House?
Missionary.
What does Monica Lewinsky have on her Re
sume?
"Sat on the Presidential Staff."
What is the difference between Monica Lewinsky
and a Hoover vacuum?
Where the Dirt Bag attaches.
If Ted Kennedy, Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood and
Bill Clinton all had a spelling contest, which
one would win?
Dan Quayle. He's the only one who knows that
harass is one word.
Why did Monica Lewinsky accept an offer to work
on the White House staff?
She didn't understand what STAFF he really
meant.
What's the most popular game at the White House?
Swallow the leader.
What do you get when you cross a crooked lawyer
with a greedy politician?
Chelsea!
What movie does Bill Clinton show to seduce
White House interns?
Free Willy.
What's 12 inches long, 3 inches wide and hangs
in front of an asshole?
Bill Clintons' tie.
What are the two worst things about Bill
Clinton?
His faces.
* Monica didn't get paid for working in the
White House... she did it for a GAG!
The Secret Service got a real scare the other
day when someone threw a beer at Bill Clinton
during his morning jog. Fortunately, it was a
draft, so he was able to dodge it.
Hillary's new book: "It Takes A Village..."
"...To Satisfy My Husband"
*Bill and Hillary are at the first baseball game
of the season. The umpire walks up to the VIP
section and says something. Suddenly Clinton
grabs Hillary by the collar and throws her over
the wall onto the field. The stunned umpired
shouts, "No, Mr. President! I said, "Throw the
first PITCH!"
One day, Chelsea Clinton asked her dad, "Do all
fairy tales start with 'Once upon a time'"?
Bill answered, "No, some start with, 'After I'm
elected.
*What's the difference between Bill Clinton and
a screw driver?
One turns in screws, and the other screws in
turns
*What is Bill Clinton's favorite slogan?
Give me liberty or give me head!
*What is the difference between Clinton and the
Titanic?
Only 200 women went down on the Titanic.
*How does Bill keep Monica Lewinsky away from
the White House?
He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to
give her a ride.
*What does Bill say to Hillary after a romantic
interlude?
Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes.
*Why does Bill Clinton cheat on Hillary?
He wants to be on top.
*How did Bill Clinton paralyze Hillary from the
waist down?
He married her.
*How many women does it take to satisfy Bill
Clinton's sexual appetite?
It Takes A Village
*When did Clinton realize Paula Jones wasn't a
Democrat?
When she didn't swallow everything he presented.
*When did Clinton realize Paula Jones wasn't a
Democrat?
When she didn't swallow everything he presented.
*What's the difference between Bill Clinton and
a gigolo?
A gigolo can only screw one person at a time.
*What's the definition of an Arkansas Virgin?
A girl that can run faster than the Governor.
*Why is Clinton so interested in events in the
Middle East?
He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar.
*What's the difference between the Secret
Service and Janet Reno?
There are some things the Secret Service won't
do to protect the President.
*What's Lewinsky's favorite bird?
The swallow
*Why did Clinton cross the road?
To get to the intern on the other side, of
course
*Why did the intern cross the road?
To get to the BOOK CONTRACT she needed to sign
on the other side
*What is Clinton's favorite toy?
An Erector Set
*What is Clinton's favorite card game?
Poker
*What is Clinton's favorite food?
The Cumquat
*What is Clinton's favorite T.V. Show?
Leave it to Beaver
*What's Clinton's favorite song?
Grooving
*What's Bill Clinton's favorite brand of potato
chips?
Lays
*What is Clinton's Favorite Presidential Act?
Edict
*What office equipment has been distributed to
all white house secretaries?
The Dick-taphone
*What is the unwritten Executive Privilege?
Having first pick of the new White House
Interns.
*Why is Clinton such a lousy golfer?
He likes to take a lot of strokes.
*Why does Clinton swim naked in the white house
pool?
He is trolling for interns.
*What's Clinton's Economic forecast?
A Bare Market
*What is Clinton's number one training exercise
for interns?
Tongue Twisters…
*What's Bill Clinton's favorite sandwich?
Tongue Sandwich
*What does Clinton have in common with a Timex
watch?
It takes a Licking and keeps on Dicking
*Why did Clinton recommend Lewinsky for a job at
Revlon?
He knew she would be good at making things up.
*Why did Richardson offer her a job in the
Foreign service?
He thought she would be good at speaking in
tongues.
*What is Clinton's Favorite outfit?
The Sear Sucker Suit
*Why did Lewinsky have an affair with Clinton?
She wanted to get ahead in the world.
*What does Clinton do fist thing in the morning?
Read the HEADlines…
*How many White House interns does it take to
satisfy Clinton?
Nobody knows, he has never been satisfied.
*What do Isakoff and Ice Cream have in common?
Both get scooped regularly.
*How does Clinton order his coffee in the
morning?
Hot with Whipped Cream
*What's Clinton favorite place in the White
House?
The Oval Orifice
*What magazine does Clinton hate?
WIRED
*What is the latest warning to be posted in the
White House?
Don't Tripp
*What did Clinton say the night after the
Lewinsky story broke?
What A Bad Tripp
*What does Nixon have in common with Clinton?
Tricky Dick
*What's the difference between Bill Clintons
dick and a Quebec Hydro tower?
A Quebec Hydro tower comes down occasionally
*What do Sleeping Beauty and Lewinsky have in
common?
Both were Pricked.
*What do OJ and Clinton have in common?
Both are lying, bad golfers, who leave a trail
of DNA behind.
*What do Clinton and Starr have in common?
They are both inclined to extend their probes.
*Is the President having sex with Tipper Gore?
No, but by this time next year she will be
having sex with the president.
*What was Arafat's Advice to Clinton?
Goats don't talk
*What did Gore say after the Lewinsky story
broke?
Why do they call me the stiff man in the White
House?
*What did Monica say when the FBI ask for the
Dress?
Come and get it.
*What was Clinton's last gift to Monica?
Spot remover.
*How can you tell you've just had sex with Bill
Clinton?
You've got french fries in your hair, and Vernon
Jordan is handing you a job application.
*What do Monica & the Green Bay Packers have in
common?
They both blew it.
*Why does Clinton wear boxers?
To keep his ankles warm.
*What do Monica & OJ Simpson have in common?
Sore knees.
*Why did Clinton quit the saxophone?
So he could play that Hoarmonica
*Did you hear about the 11th commandment Clinton
introduced?
Thou shall not expose thou rod to thy staff
*What do you get when you cross a crooked
politician with a crooked lawyer?
CHELSEA
*What will Bill Clinton be known as when he
leaves the White House?
The President after Bush
*What is the name of Monica Lewinsky's new book?
My Taste For Power
*How can you tell when Bill Clinton is lying?
His lips are moving
*What's the difference between Bill Clinton and
a dog?
A dog chases his own tail
*What is Clinton's codename?
The Unibanger
*Al Gore is one orgasm away from the White
House.
*What do you call Clinton's fly?
U.S. Open
*What did Clinton say when asked about the
scandal?
I was trying to keep my campaign promise by
putting more women on my staff.
*Do you know who Hillary has asked to stay at
the White House?
Lorena Bobbitt
*Why are they asking for $3.00 Presidential
funds in this year's tax returns (Last year it
was only $1.00)
Because The condom prices have gone up!
*What is the difference between the president
and the titanic?
They know exactly how many people went down on
the titanic.
*When can you tell that the country is in
trouble?
Clinton has been caught with Al thinking it was
Mal.
*What did Clinton say to the new female intern?
I haven't come across your face.
*What did Clinton say when Paula Jones went
public with her story?
NOW she decides to open her mouth
*What does Bill think the "new" fishnet
stockings are called?
Intern-net
*What is the new job Clinton gave Monica on his
cabinet?
Secretary of Affairs
*Did Bill ever use Viagra when he was having his
sexual relations with Monica?
Yes, he did. Viagra makes you fat. Why do you
think Bill is losing weight and Monica is
gaining it!
*What is the comparison between Monica and
Chelsea?
-They are always down on all fours.
-They both enjoy a good cigar.
*What's the name of Monica's new book?
It takes a spillage.
*What happened when Monica went riding with the
Indian in his car?
A blown injun.
*What do Monica Lewinski and a Pepsi machine
have in common?
They both have a place to insert Bill.
*What do Bill Clinton and the R.M.S. Titanic
have in common?
They both lost a lot of sea-men.
*What are the top two universities providing
White House internships?
Moorehead State and Bringham Young.
*What's The Difference between Monica Lewinsky
and a mosquito?
When You slap a mosquito it stops sucking.
*Why doesn't Chelsea Clinton have any brothers
or sisters?
Monica Lewinsky swallowed them all.
