As a fellow Southern Baptist, I can empathize
with your Predicament. Although when I was
president I merely lusted in my heart, I have to
admit that had I served another term, my lust
might have broken free and moved down my body.
God bless you in this time of trial.
Jimmy Carter
----------------------
Dear Bill:
OK, so I’ll never be president, but at least
Donna Rice was a babe!
Gary Hart
----------------------
My Dear Chap
This is a bit of a sticky wicket, but if I were
you, I should ask that charming Jay Leno fellow
to see you through. Pop onto his show, admit
that you made an ass of yourself and all will be
forgiven.
Hugh Grant
----------------------
Bill:
They entrapped me, they framed me, they caught
me in a motel with drugs and a prostitute, but I
bounced back and so can you!
Mayor Marion Berry
----------------------
Dear Bill:
Look at the bright side. At least you weren’t
caught wearing Monica’s thong underwear. By the
way, did you catch my sports show? I’m back on
TV for the fall.
Marv Albert
----------------------
Dear Mr. President:
You may have noticed that I’m not jumping on the
impeachment Bandwagon (note: this was written a
week ago). Let me assure you, you’re not the
only one in Congress who thinks oral sex isn’t
really sex.
Warm personal regards,
Barney Frank
----------------------------
Dear Bill:
Hang in there, pal! By the way, Kathie Lee sends
Hillary her regards and invites her to come on
her show anytime.
Frank Gifford
---------------------------
Dear Mr. President:
Now I’m on the Supreme Court. I’m here for life!
And there’s nothing anyone can do about it! So
there!
Justice Clarence (Long Dong) Thomas
--------------------------
Dear Former Worthy Opponent:
Whoo, Boy! All I can say is, Bob Dole would
never have gotten himself into this mess. Not
Bob Dole! Not before Viagra, anyway!
Bob Dole
-------------------------
Dear Mr. President:
I think it’s terrible what they are doing to
you, and I want you to know that if you need to
get away from it all, you’re welcome to bring
Buddy and stay with me on my Wonderland Ranch
for as long as you want. I’ll move the Cub Scout
Pack to a tent on the lawn and you can have
their room.
Michael Jackson
--------------------------
Dear Fellow Sinner:
Jesus forgives you and so do I.
Rev. Jimmy Swaggart
-------------------------
Dear Bill:
Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.
Jim Bakker
P.S. Jessica sends regards and wants to get
together with you sometime.
-------------------------
Dear Bill:
Next time (if there is a next time), don’t let
them get you on tape. Big mistake!!
With sympathy,
Rob Lowe
-------------------------
Dear Bill:
If I survived being a tampon, you can survive
the cigar bit. Things were grim for a while, but
now it looks like I might actually manage to
marry my darling Camilla, and someday I’ll be
King! Funny how life turns out.
So keep a stiff upper lip! (And relax everything
else, haha! And they say I don’t have a sense of
humor)
HRH Charles Windsor, Prince of Wales
------------------------
Dear Mr. President,
We invite you to be the cover subject of our
next issue.
The editors, Cigar magazine
---------------
Dear Mr. President:
The test on the dress came back inconclusive.
Everyone in Arkansas has the same DNA.
Best Regards,
FBI
