Due to the great consternation caused by the
revelation of my act of procreation, I accept my
obligation to give an explanation to the
population for my act of copulation. I gave in
to temptation, for the anticipation of sexual
gratification, that I could not obtain through
masturbation, resulted in my fornication.
I accepted her invitation, and provided her with
excitation,
stimulation, penetration, replication, and
liberation. She provided lubrication (to avoid
inflammation) and I wore condoms to avoid
contamination. She cried for duplication but I
insisted upon termination, in spite of her
fascination with variation.
This has caused me great aggravation, and the
agitation and
provocation of the media have resulted in my
humiliation, denigration, and degradation. My
wife is considering castration, which would
require my hospitalization.
Pray that this matter will find culmination in
my sanctification and rehabilitation so that my
plans for nomination to my ultimate vocation
will not result in revocation and termination.
I hope this proclamation has provided
illumination and verification and will prohibit
further provocation.
