The Top 15 Florida Excuses for Holding Up the Election

15. Dangerous Metamucil shortage caused by misunderstood TV reports of "many irregularities in Florida."

14. Booths in Cuba stay open until Fidel says it's time to close.

13. "Help! I've voted and I can't get up!"

12. "Give us 'Golden Girls: The Movie', and you'll get your damn President!"

11. "Aaaaaiiiieeeeeeee! There are 'gators in the ballot box!!!"

10. Still waiting for Elian's absentee ballot to be "rescued" from Donato's closet.

9. Jeb Bush can't decide whether to help his brother or pay him back for a lifetime of noogies.

8. Payback for all those jokes about being "America's penis."

7. Jimmy Johnson hair fumes *still* addling voters.

6. Easy Bush victory disrupted by unfortunate large number of easily-understood ballots.

5. Gore voters "confused" by ballot design need time to prepare snappy answers to the question, "And you accused BUSH of being
stupid?!?"

4. "Que?"

3. Waiting for Walt's head to thaw so he can cast the deciding vote.

2. Ballot inspectors are stuck behind blue-haired drivers going 20 MPH in the wrong lane with a turn signal constantly on.

1. "Hush up, now! Matlock's on!!"